Head Over Feet
by EloraCooper4
Summary: [Mysterious Skin]After the film's events, Eric confronts Neil and feelings are admitted. Rated for themes.


Note: I'll probably be the only person who will ever write about Mysterious Skin haha. I watched the movie because I love Joseph Gordon Levitt…and it just made me love him more. But I…wanted a happier ending. Which never happens with me. But I had to. And the song is "Head Over Feet" which fits them all too well. I never did read the book, so maybe their relationship is hinted at more…not sure. But here goes anyway.

"Be careful ok?" His mother asked cupping his face with her hands. "Don't want you hurting yourself. After all of those bruises gone and disappeared. Don't want you to bring em back. So be careful you hear?" She asked smacking his check ever so lightly.

Neil smiled gently and nodded. "Just going out with the guys, Ma. Nothin to worry about." He turned away from her with his hands in his pockets.

"Love ya!" She called after him then waving to Eric who was waiting patiently in the car. As he always did.

Neil looked back. "Love you, too," He said quieter.

"Hey," Eric chirped in his effeminate voice.

So what if he didn't exactly hate Eric's company? He didn't hate Wendy's or his mother's or Brian's. There was nothing funny about it. Just another guy who happened to be gay like him. And it was a big plus that he had his own car. Sure it was barely running, one of those frekkin Flinstone cars almost. He was always there. Waiting for him to come back from his latest trick. Wearing that goth shit. Black lipstick, pink and purple streaks in his hair, and chains hanging from his pants. That was fine by Neil. The guy could wear whatever he wanted. Just as long as he kept driving and kept hanging out with him.

Not that he would have hated it if they weren't friends. At least that's what Neil told himself. 

Wendy looked at him sometimes. Eric, with a sad look in her eyes. She knew that he was falling for Neil. The goth kid would get pouty when Neil would walk off. But what she didn't know was that Neil was all too aware of Eric's feelings. How couldn't he be? He'd never known what a real crush or love was. But, he was pretty sure he saw it in Eric's eyes when he looked at him.

All the more reason to ignore it.

That didn't mean that Neil didn't imagine what it would be like. He'd thought about it. About how it would be to be with him. How it would feel to hold his hand. Like other boyfriends did. How it would be to kiss him. But with Eric…then he would stop the imagining. Neil wasn't like other guys. He couldn't live like that. And the quicker that Eric realized that the better. Some guys weren't meant for relationships. 

Some were made for fucking. Neil was one of those people. From nine years old for Christ's sake. He was meant to have sex. Not to love someone. Not like that at least. Not to snuggle with a significant other. Not to kiss under the moonlight. That wasn't him. It couldn't be. He was too messed up in the head. Wendy knew that. She probably told Eric to run for the hills before it was too late. But Eric would still pick him up in his old run down car with fifty or more bumper stickers on that back. Once, Neil paused to read one. "Imagine- John Lennon." In response, Neil snorted and proceeded to pick on Eric for the next hour for liking old fogeys.

But that's what friends were supposed to do.

"Drive me to the park," Neil uttered without a hint of a request. 

Eric started the car hesitantly and then backed out of the driveway. His deep purple lips parted slightly, betraying his thoughts. But he didn't have to just look it. He said it. "Are…are you sure Neil? After you…"

Neil's bright blue eyes darted to look at Eric. Wondering if he followed along with what he told his mother. Poor thing. She didn't know that he was a hustler at the handsome age of 19. Had been for almost ten years. Almost.

"After you were mugged," Eric finally decided to believe the lie. Or at least pretend. Neil had never been discreet about his line of work with his friends. Eric knew all too well. And he undoubtly knew that he wasn't mugged in New York City.

"Whatever, man," Neil mumbled into his fist which was holding up his head.

They stayed quiet in the car. There was nothing to say. At least Neil thought so. So their ears were filled with the sounds of the Clash. They were ok. Neil wasn't a huge music fan, but he could stand them. In fact, most of the stuff Eric played was pretty cool.

"No…" Eric whispered suddenly pulling over without warning. The tires squealed as he quickly moved the car. He aggressively put the car in park throwing the them forward.

"What the hell are you doing? You could have gotten us killed!" Neil cried out patting down his hair as if he was more worried about how he looked than his friend.

Eric stared at him for a moment. "I could ask you the same thing. What the hell are you doing Neil? We both know that you didn't get mugged. You don't get mugged. You don't exactly carry around a wallet. Just big wads of cash."

A small laugh exited Neil's mouth, "Do I detect jealousy?"

"No way," Eric said looking disgusted at the idea. "No way would I be jealous of whatever happened to you. I don't know what exactly happened, Neil. But I'm awful sure that someone got a little too rough didn't they?" Neil watched Eric amazed that he was so…upset. His eyeliner or mascara…Neil wasn't sure which, was running down his face along with some tears. "You looked practically dead when Brian and me showed up there. I don't even wanna know what you looked like right after it happened. And now…God knows why you're going back! What the hell is wrong with you? Do you want to die Neil?"

"I'm not dealing with this," Neil muttered jumping out of the car and walking down the highway. His normal swagger turned into a quick paced walk. It wasn't to impress or turn anyone on. Just to get away.

Eric ran out after him, the chains on his pants clanging together. "Neil…stop!"

And for some reason, he did. Although he didn't know why. He never did what people told him to. He made it a point…at least…unless they were paying.

"You need to stop. All of this. The whoring, the acting like you're invincible. Because you're not. And I'm sure that you know that you are after what happened. You can't keep going on like this. Because you know what? Next time you won't catch crabs."

Neil had enough and started walking again. But Eric only followed raising his voice, "You're gonna get AIDS, Neil. Even if you're all safe, what if someone gives you extra money to screw you without a condom. Then what? You're gonna go for the money. And what are you gonna tell Wendy? That you messed up? And what about your mom? Or Brain for God's sake. You're like his savior now. How is he gonna handle that? Go back to the UFO shit? And what about me?" He asked his voice cracking as if he was back in junior high. Not in college.

"What…what do you mean you?" Neil asked looking over his shoulder.

Eric let out a frustrated moan. "Oh, c'mon Neil. Are you that blind?" He asked blinking away tears.

"No…" Neil whispered, "I'm not. And I sure as hell ain't blind to Wendy…reminding me constantly that you're here." He smirked remembering the way that she mentioned it to him before he came home. And how…he didn't know how the reminder made him feel. Like he wanted to go home even more. Not that that meant anything. "Well…you're stupid. Move on, Eric."

"So what's gonna happen to you if I move on?"

"A whole lot more of walking that's what," Neil said with a harsh laugh that immediately made him feel like he'd slapped Eric. He gulped back the rest of the laugh and raised his eyes to meet him.

"Is that all I am? I didn't have delusions..." Eric looked at his hands. "But I at least thought we were friends." He turned around and headed for the car. "I guess you will be walking a lot more…"

Neil watched him walk away. Eric didn't have the swagger. Or the frame. Or the muscles. Or the facial hair. Hell, he was the anti-Marlboro man. Anything but his type. But there he was. Feeling like something was ripped from inside of him when his "friend" walked away from him. "Eric…Eric c'mon. It's my life."

"Yeah and it's your life to ruin. I'm not gonna stand by and watch you die. I couldn't handle it. So I'll tell you now that I wish you the best. And that I hope I'm wrong and you'll….be a whore forever and just be as happy as pie with your money. Your money because that's all you give a damn about right? The money. Is that why you really sleep with those men? The ones with the guts and the wrinkled faces. Is that why?" Eric asked his voice breaking more and more as he spoke. 

Neil stared at him for a time and then whispered, "No. It…it's a plus but. No."

"It's cause of those tapes, then."

"Wha…what tapes?" Neil asked his face starting to heat up in slight panic. No one knew. Just Wendy and Brian. No one else.

"Those tapes with you. When you were a kid. And that picture…" Eric held back a sob looking up into the sky for a moment. "Is that why?"

"How did you find them?" Neil asked deathly serious and nervous suddenly.

Eric laughed bitterly. "I didn't watch the porno when you offered it. When you just fell asleep that night. I don't remember…what I was looking for but. There it was in your drawer. That's why isn't it? Some sick bastard did something to do you…"

"The coach…" Neil whispered looking at Eric straight in the eye.

"Oh…oh God, Brian…" Eric mumbled his eyes widening with the realization. "Oh God. You…is it out of habit? As horrible as that sounds…"

"No…" Neil smirked holding back all emotions with ease. The complete opposite of his friend. "I just…it was the only time I felt…worth a damn."

Eric wiped the right side of his face smearing the make up more than before. "You are worth a damn, Neil. I could have told you that years ago. The moment we met I could have told you that you were worth a damn. Neil…I…I could love you-"

"No. No way," Neil called out. "You stay away from me, Eric. Keep your distance."

"Why because you can't stand me?"

"No….No!" Neil said clenching his fists. "You remember the night we went out to a bar together. And that guy came up to us? And asked us how much. For the two of us. No way. No. You need to stay away from all of this."

"Why? If it's good enough for you than why not for me? I'm sure they'd love the make up. Probably make me dress up and-"

"NO!" Neil screamed at the top of his lungs. "You too good for that. You treat everyone on this planet as if they're above you. That they're magical beings and you're just lucky to be with them. And you…you have this way about you that makes everyone love you. No matter what they do they can't help but hope that you stick around for longer. And forget the shit-heads at school who pick on you. If they opened their eyes they would see it too. Brian saw it. My mom did. Wendy did…"

"Did…did you?"

Neil looked down quickly. Was it a nod or an avoidance of eyeline? He wasn't sure. "You're too good for it, Eric. You're too good…for all of this."

"For you?" Eric whispered.

"For me," Neil confirmed. "In case you have noticed…" he pointed to his head, "I'm a nut job. In more ways than one. Even…even if we did…then what? I've never…I wouldn't even know…how to…what to…holding hands and shit? Naw I can't do that stuff. You…you need someone who can do that for you. Find some fluffy gay guy."

"Neil, in case you haven't noticed…I'm awful fluffy. Minus the spikes."

"Yeah that sounds classy."

Eric sat down with Neil on the highway rafters. They both stayed silent for a moment. Then Eric held out his hand to turn Neil's face to meet his. "Just…just try." He leaned in. Their lips meet, staying closed and frozen. It was the first innocent kiss that Neil had ever experienced. No tongue, no force. Just contact. Eric pulled away slowly and nodded. "Thanks…for that at least."

Neil's eyes darted back and forth. "Wha…why didn't you…no, I mean."

"What are you trying to say?" Eric asked in his quiet voice that Neil had gotten so used to. Instead of the crying voice that he had heard before.

"You know…this is entirely all your fault."

"What's my fault?" Eric asked as a flush of red reached his face.

"This," Neil said before leaning in and kissing him again. This kiss just as innocent. Neil finally understood what it was all about. Knew what it was all cracked up to be. An innocent kiss was a silent promise. That maybe they would go further. Or maybe they wouldn't. But one thing was clear, the feelings were mutual…one was just slower on the uptake than the other.

The boys parted with genuine smiles on their faces. Eric laughed when he saw Neil's face. His lips now covered in a mooshed mix of deep purple and black streaks. "Oh yeah you don't look good in this…" Eric wiped away the left over lipstick from Neil's smiling lips. 

"Never thought I'd have that problem." They laughed and for the first time…ever, Neil felt that it was ok to laugh. And ok to love.


End file.
